What is love?
Does love makes your heart beat faster?
Does love makes you want to do your best?
Does love gives you a source of motivation that's imcomparable to others?
Does love allows you that extra energy no matter how tired you are?
I, have no answer to all these questions above. Actually, I have no answer to love.
I am starting to see certain things in a clearer light now, and am no longer living in the cosy world I created/imagined/dreamt out.
And of course, there are things which are to be worked out, and I hope I can work it out, either with him or within me. It suddenly dawned on me that he is not the problem, I am. I have a huge/good memory for all the bad things and a bad memory for all the good things.
How ironical, isn't it?
And I just realised that some issues are never solved...a friend that I met up with today, and was teling him some stuffs. He said I told him the same things 2 years ago... and 2 years later, I still have yet to have done anything about it.
I guess, there's nothing much to speak of my progress, isn't it? But hey, 2 years later, I would like to believe that I'm a changed person. Like, someone who knows her limits, knows her place, someone who doesn't go beyond the line, someone who's definitely more matured and knowledgable, wise and understanding, plus the fact that she's really older.
The same friend told me that I'm probably numb already. I don't know if it applies to me. I have enough of tears and all those unpleasant feelings that I've felt for the last 2 years. It's been a long long time...even longer to have finally gotten my feelings and head sorted out nice and neat. Right now I feel in control. So no, I'm probably not numb, because I still feel the rush of tears sometimes. But this time, I'll be in control.
If the tears come, I will create the dam to block it.
If the tears trickle, I will blot it away.
If the tears fall, I will wipe it off my face.
But never, will the tears come in torrents which I have no control over, ever again.
And never, will I have to feel that sense of helplessness which overwhelms me from time to time.
Because I'm in control.
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 2:11 AM
