A lot of things have happened f0r the last few weeks...I am just glad I got through it.
My grandfather passed away during my exams...so for a few days it was a mad rush up and down the funeral palour and my home and school. Luckily I only had 2 papers left and I already did sufficient preparation. Just that I got a bit disoriented and affected.
I tried not to let it affect me too much, I did all that I could do to help, being around, praying for my grandfather, all the while mugging at that funeral palour. Moreover, it was supposed to be a birthday celebration which ended up in preparations for the funeral...we had bought the birthday cake, ordered all the vegetarian dishes, and also a mountain of "shou tao". That was the birthday cake in the last post....meant for my ah kong's 80th birthday.
I felt really bad for not seeing him earlier...I mean, I had some chances but I just thought I would like to finish preparing for my papers before seeing him on his birthday...it's only a few days difference after all...little did I know these few days of difference was such a big difference...
I had been trying to get clement to see my ah kong...but due to numerous work commitments and all that....he also didn't get to see him the last few months. I got quite sad actually because I know my ah kong would like to see us together some day....in fact every time clement turned up for gatherings my ah kong will always ask when are we going to get married...we always told him after I graduate....
My ah kong couldn't wait that long.
Anyway we held the wake for 5 days...I managed to turned up for 4 of them...last day was his cremation day and I couldn't go because I had paper in the morning.
Maybe it was a good thing. I didn't cry throughout this...because I often console myself that it's a good thing for my grandfather to have passed on...because of his condition, he was totally paralysed and relies on everyone around him to take care of him. For someone who's so active and can run around the whole singapore...to be stucked on bed 24/7 is really depressing...
I remembered crying like crazy during the first few weeks when my grandfather just became paralysed...and his words were already those of which he was going to pass on...he always told me to study hard, must graduate, must work....yup...that's his values....always have to work, always must earn money for myself.
But anyway he didn't passed away then...in fact he lived on and for a while I thought maybe some day my ah kong can regain his feelings and walk again...
I was just too optimistic...
But anyway I remembered the last gathering we had, was right before my exam started...surprisingly that time, my ah kong was lying on the bed...and while I wanted to leave immediately after the meal, I didn't know what to say. So I stayed on and talked to him...together with my extended family....and then when my ah kong said he was thirsty...my grandma handed me a cup and asked me to feed him....as a show of filial piety...
And so I did, my ah kong even commented I am a giam siap feeder...because I fed him so little. Coz I didn't want to spill anything and I was afraid he might choke ma... And so after that I fed him a bit more....before I finally had to leave because it was too late already.
In a way, maybe my ah kong passed away without regrets...since his grandchildren all fed him once...maybe he must had felt at peace then?
I am also glad I did something for him...at least it also left him with good memories bah...
So now we have to do prayers for him every week (according to buddhist customs), and you know, I think my ah kong knows. My mom told him she was going cruise somewhere in June, and so he died on a weekend so that my mom can go cruise during the weekdays. And also the fact that every 7th day is the prayers...his dying on a weekend meant that we don't have to take time off during the week days to pray for him.
So good eh? :) And somehow not going Bangkok also meant that I can pray for him too...it's the last prayer (the 49th day) which is considered the most important because it's the last prayer session already...
So now I get to go to the family day in the morning, and I can also go for the prayers in the afternoon.
It's not only for his good....it's also for my good, my family's good...and all the ancestors' good. I am actually getting interested in all these prayers nowadays...it's quite interesting really. Not to mention the place we are going to pray at...they serve very very nice vegetarian food!! Heh~
All these to help my ah kong rest in peace, and enter a realm whereby there will be no more suffering. :)
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 11:57 AM
