To be needy, is it good or no good?
Some people say that needy gf/bf are a bane because of their constant need for attention. And some people feel that it is tiresome to have a needy bf/gf.
Well, to a certain extent, it may be true. However, if the bf/gf is totally not needy, does it mean that it is good?
If he doesn't need you now, he doesn't need you forever.
The only reason why he needs you, is because he loves you.
If he doesn't love you anymore, why does he have to need you?
Between a couple, there is always one party who is more needy than the other party. So there's always a contradiction, because the needy party cannot understand why the other party is being so aloof, whereas the less-needy party cannot understand why the other party is so needy.
Ok I am not talking about the super-needy types yet. Right now I am limiting my argument to those who are needy to a certain extent (ie. someone in family is in trouble and you need support of the bf/gf)
It is probably fair to think that, if in times of need, there is someone who can lend you support, hold your hand, guide you through, that sort of thing. And it's nice to know that sometimes when you are feeling so lost, that person comes in and helps tide you through your difficulties. And you know that no matter what, he is always there and you can always depend on him. And you know that no matter what, for your sake, he will do his best to help you, and that includes putting down his prior engagments just to ensure that you are alright.
If in a relationship, your guy/girl can do this for you, then you know that he/she is the one already. No need to think too much, because if you cannot even accept someone who is willing to cast aside their own work/worries just to help you, then you certainly do not deserve to be with someone like them.
But how about those people who never seems to need anyone??
I have this for you: Don't bother finding yourself a bf/gf then. If you feel that you don't need anyone by your side, don't need anyone whom you wish to share your life with, don't need anyone to share your troubles/happiness/whatever, then don't bother settling for just one boy/girl. In other words, just play the field. Why tie yourself to someone just because?
Sometimes you may end up hurting the very nice boy/girl just because you feel like you don't need anyone...and all that he/she wants to do for you is to be there by your side, for you...only. But if you can't share anything with him/her, then you can't share anything of his/hers. It is often frustrating on both parties because one party wants to share while the other party doesn't see the necessity.
Because of the difference in values towards a relationship, in a long run both parties in the couple will not be happy, and the relationship just ends anyway. So I say, don't even bother.
Hmm...so how about the kind of person that has played the field and finally found that one person whom he can share everything with?
Good for you. Be sure to treat him/her to the very best you can and never let her down. She doesn't deserve it anymore than you do.
Which comes to a question...do playboys ever settle down??
Well well well!!! I have heard of a playboy getting married to a girl who was with him for less than a year, in terms of months I have no idea.
And when asked, his reason for getting married at such a short notice was because he felt that he already met the right one, no need to look anymore and since both are of marriageable age, so they just got married there and then.
So simple isn't it? If only all playboys' hearts and heads are so easily decipherable.
And so that's why I came to the conclusion that most guys, if not all of them, have an intrinsic knowledge of the kind of girl they are looking for. And until they do meet her, they'd never knew. So that means that until they meet her, they never really knew of what type of girl they are looking for. They can have a certain kind of criteria, they may have some expectations, but they never know exactly how she is like.
However once they meet her, they know it for sure that she is THE ONE and they know it instinctively. And after that, they will not hesitate to make her "his", because they do not want to lose her to other people. And they cannot afford to lose her because they know that they may not find another like her again.
That is why I have often heard of many guy friends telling me, "yes, she's the one, I don't need to look for anyone else." or "she's my first and probably the last, because I know she is."
And I often wonder how come they so know for sure that she is the one and not someone else?
Then I came to the conclusion that if she's not the one, they probably won't spend time and effort on her already. Maybe the relationship will last not more than 6 months, because guys, like I know them, they do not waste time and effort on things/matters that they know will not have a happy ending. They will consider it a waste of their time even.
So does it means that couples who are together for more than a few years are definitely made for each other?
No. It just means that the guy cannot decide whether the girl is right for him or not. And so he continues to be with her, maybe out of fear of loneliness, or a need for companionship. Or maybe the girl is hysterical and is very needy.
Some guys stay with their girlfriends because they feel an innate sense of pity for her, like as if she is so poor thing just because without a boyfriend she will feel so lost. Or maybe the guy likes to feel needed by someone else, probably because in his family he is always forgotten and unwanted.
Or maybe, he might just be still KIV-ing her as a potential THE ONE. And of course anything you KIV you won't throw it away...you just keep her around and wait until one day the feeling that she is really really THE ONE and then you will propose to her, marry her and then live happily ever after.
Meanwhile get to know more people and see whether there are anymore potential "THE ONE"s. So he knows that he won't lose out on the market, you see. If there isn't anyone else better than the girlfriend, he will marry the girlfriend. But if there is someone who is seemingly better than her, he will probably drop her already. And this will bring me back to my first argument that guys know it instinctively what kind of girl they are looking for...just that until they meet her, they do not know exactly what they want.
So it seems like girls are such poor creatures isn't it?
No. It is not true. Girls just operate differently from guys. Much differently, if I may say. While guys know instinctively what kind of girl constitutes THE ONE, girls do not have a specific THE ONE. Maybe it just so happens that she gets along really well with this one guy, feels really comfy with him, and both of them can click. And then they become boyfriend-girlfriend. So their relationship develops. She sees that the both of them have the same values towards certain aspects of their lives, the kind of ethics and morals they share, and the same attitude to most things in their lives. And so she begins to think that she can marry this kind of guy, because of the so many common things they share, the fact that he cares for her, and he is attentive to her.
So simple isn't it? When a girl gets together with a guy, she goes about discovering different aspects of him, before deciding that he will be THE ONE she will marry. Whereas for guys, it's often get together, and in a snap of the fingers, they know at once whether this girl is the one they want. If not, he just lets her go eventually.
Or maybe the guys do spend some time trying to convince himself that she's the kind of girl he is looking for, until he finally meets the RIGHT girl and realises that all he has been trying to do is to deceive himself into something which he does not want wholeheartedly.
So since girls and guys operate differently, it is no wonder why sometimes girls tend to hurt more than the guy. For a guy, if she's not right, then there's no point in holding on, wasting time. Just move on. And for the girl, from the starting till to the point of breaking up, she might have already started falling for him just because of the numerous things she have discovered of him.
In a sense, girls tend to hurt more during a break up just because of that, but this is just how we are biologically inclined. Of course I am leaving out the headstrong type of girl who knows exactly what she wants, and in many sense, operate much like a guy. And I am also leaving out the kind of guy who probably finds his THE ONE and realises that he's not the one for the girl and the girl initiates the breakup with him.
There are always two sides to everything..,just like there are two sides to a coin. What I have stated here is the general norm of most girls and guys, from the people around me.
So why am I typing all these all of the sudden?
Because it's been a naggy thought for quite some time. Haha. I am often wondering how come girls cry so much over a breakup and guys become an alcohol distillery after a breakup. And sometimes how come girls can cry so much after a breakup, that even 3 years after that, when she thinks of him, she can still cry so much like she just broke up the day before. And how come guys, after a breakup, even though they may be miserable for a while, can even forget some of their ex-es, as if they never both crossed paths before.
Needed to sort out my thoughts for a while here la. :)
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 2:45 PM
