Haven't blogged for a very very long time....
Too much has happened, but I'm glad the worst has blown over for now. As for the coming months, one can only hope so much. :)
Well, that was in a nut shell! Heh~ Out of the shell, my grandfather's been hospitalised for a very serious neck injury that left him paralysed. And so, I'm shuttling between work and hospital everyday. It's been like this for the past 2 weeks, and well, I don't access my blog from the office (for fear that it may get discovered), so I can only blog at home. Anyway I'm simply drained everyday I get home, so it's bathe, TV, sleep. Next morning wake up and go work again lor.
For a while, it was really bad, because I really thought I was going to lose my grandfather, and so I was quite emotional about the whole thing. Every time I visited him I always ended up in tears, and so it was definitely a tough period of time for me. Sigh. This grandfather of mine, was actually the same person who went cruise with my family and mr clement...and went swimming with me, clement, my sis, and me. And he is 79 years old already.
And things changed overnight. Literally. He fell, hurt his neck, and his whole body was paralysed. He was on the bed day in, day out, and he couldn't even sit up, because his body would topple. So he would lie on the bed rod straight, and can't move unless we move him. Which we can't because it would further aggravate his neck injury.
However, he just went for operation last Thursday, and even though the doctor said his survival may be 30% as the operation has too many complications, I am so thankful that my grandfather managed to make it and is now on his road to recovery. And even the recovery is also 30%, I pray and hope, with my grandfather's determination and strength, he will be able to make it through. Though he may not be able to walk without help or anything, but as long as he can move his arms, fingers, and sit up, it will be good enough.
One can only hope for the better as the days go by, right? :)
And so, now that the worst has blown over for me, I'm finally less emotional and in a better state to dwell about other things.
And that's mr clement.
I'm so disillusioned regarding my relationship with him, and for a while, I really really wanted to break off with him. It's not the wilful me who's acting up again, it's the very mature me who have been thinking things through. Somehow, this crisis which I faced with my grandfather, really made me see what kind of person mr clement is very clearly.
In the darkest moments of my life, this mr clement was never around. And never once did he ask to visit the hospital. Even when I asked him whether he wanted to, he always find some funny excuse to get out of it. I was rather disappointed because I thought he would be more supportive of me during this whole thing.
And so for now, we are on tenterhooks, I dunno what will happen next, because I can't bring myself to be with him again. Or to say, I don't even know whether he's the one guy whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. I need a guy who will always be around to hold me up when I am down. And mr clement failed miserably.
Sigh. And they always say, huan4 nan4 jian4 zhen1 qing2. I believe. And I believe through a crisis, the ugly side will always come out tops.
Grrrrrrrrr~
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 10:10 PM
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Can't believe it. The only day I get a half-day off, I have to get sick. Sheesh~
I'm having headache, breathing hot air, and there are lumps in my throat. Very sad can. :( And all these started because I drank the McDonald's McFizz. Silly me, wanted to try new things...so bought that drink and try lor. Oh my...it's orange juice plus sprite!!!!! Like, so duh okies. I hate sprite, I dun like Mac's orange juice de lor. All in all, no good lar. Bleah~ And then shortly after I drank it, I started to feel feverish and all that.
Actually I thought mr clement got to work today de...in the end, he told me he took leave so that he can go Velvet with his colleagues tonight. Sheesh~ Ask him take leave accompany me must think long long, go out with colleagues very steady de, say go out means go out...can take leave straight away. Bleah. I jealous over his colleagues can. :(
Anyway I still met up with him today lar, because got half-day off mah. I thought he got to work so suggested meeting somewhere near his place lor. In the end it turned out that he took leave already. So in the end we went to town lor. And in the end I drank the McDonald's McFizz which cause me to fall sick in the end. (Hey! Sounds like A Series of Unfortunate Events) Muahahaha.
And so in the end mr clement has to send me home lor. And by the time I reached home I felt like I was going to die ok. Like so sad like that. Sheesh~ But after a bath, I am feeling a little bit better lor. Wait for hair dry then can go sleep le. Tomorrow must go work still yah. Sigh.
Think quite sad ah...imagine next time graduate and go out to society to work le...will be like that lor. Everyday also got to work...sigh. And holding the standard 8-5 job, then squeeze on the bus and trains every morning and evening...no wonder everytime I take bus, everyone looks so sian and so jaded....imagine doing that for the rest of your life....scary...
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 9:53 PM
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Now that I have finally started working (aka attachment), I realise how tiring can being cooped up in an office be. And now I have finally realised my folly in insisting mr clement on accompanying me after work in the past. Working is, definitely tiring, after all! :)
Anyway I am sneaking a post in at this hour now (very unusual) because I have half day off tomorrow!!! Yayyy. Finally got a break. Thanks to crappy events in school (like meet-mentor-sessions) so we are all on official leave. Haha. Good huh.
Okies. As I was saying, I am working now, and I actually have an access card all of my own!!! It means something lar...on that day I received it, it finally dawned on me that mr clement and I are like, on another level of our r/s. We are both working lar! LoL~ He also has his own access card (for his company) so it's like, both of us have access cards...and that feels very.... grown up. Hee hee~ And this scenario is like a preview to what it will be like if we were both working in the future and having differing schedules and all that lor.
So far, so good lor. Only a very trivial unhappiness...but other than that, it's ok lar! Maybe I am too tired liao...can't be bothered with him anymore. Since he works in shifts, has erratic off-days, so I leave him be lor...like when he wants to meet up and all that, he decides, and then he plans. That's because my off-days are definitely weekends mah, unlike him, with his shift schedule and and also working night shift now.
Hmm....so actually our meet-ups are lesser lor. Or to say, the amount of time spent together in total has decreased. That's because on his offdays, I still got to work mah. Meet up only after my work on weekdays (on his off) or weekend (this coming sat actually!) Eh. Come to think of it, even I very tired after work I still go meet him de lor. And he still has the audacity to be late! Hmph~~~~ Made me stood waiting for him in my heels for 30 mins lor. I thought my legs were going to break. bleah~
Anyway, all's so good so far lor. I am just damn tired everyday. And I feel like sleeping at 8.30pm every evening ok. And because I wanna watch tv, so I made myself stay awake till 11 lor. Isn't that a sad life? My main motivation for going home everyday is that I will be able to watch tv lar! And that same motivation keeps me going during the day when the hours can get long and the office can get darn cold!!!
Of all these, I am so glad that I got a superb supervisor. Yay. Because it's only the 1st week, a lot of people were slacking away, and I have got stuffs to do! Slacking is no good in the office because:
1. There's no internet
2. You cannot always chat
3. You cannot sleep
4. You can't look bored
Aiyo! So jia lat ok. Actually doing the above 4 things, it's really very tiring lor. How to pretend that you are reading manuals while dozing off? Hahaha...so I guess school has trained us well! Sleeping during lectures has made all of us (attachment students) more proficient at sleeping without looking like sleeping can.
Talking about my supervisor, I am very in awe and very impressed by him lor. He's just so good at everything. And he is very steady de. Haha. Once while doing stuffs on his lappie, he came over, whisked his lappie away and ordered me to rest. Steady right! LoL~ And he kept telling me to rest if I am tired. So caring okies. :)
He's very nice ah, and very patient too. Which is good because I very blur de lor, do 1 thing, forget some thing, or get some things wrong (not yet lar...), so I very lor soh, forever repeating my questions. Haha. Good thing he is nice enough to repeat all his answers.
This is the good part lar. And the good part about ends here. I shall go sleep liaoz. More about everything when I am free. Photos from KL too...if I got the time.
Cheers~
tired-out-jesslyn
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 11:56 PM
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Happie New Year...
The 1st wk of 2005 has passed.
It's a year of new beginnings, new experiences and new expectations.
Well done, Jesslyn has finally grown up at last. :)
Looking back, 2004 was great. Though I do not know what 2005 brings, I am pretty sure I am a much stronger person, and in shape to deal with it.
cheers~
jesslyn
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 2:35 PM
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