Some photos from our stay at Meritus Mandarin. The people were really nice! Haha...and mr clement was saying maybe because our room is slightly more expensive, so they are nicer to us because of that. -_- Hope it's not lar...LoL~
There was no jaccuzzi like expected...instead, there was some standing shower spray of some sort. Hmm...I haven't got the photos so no display lar. Anyway here are some which mr clement sent over...
Just a record on what I've been up to these days. Plus lots of pics! I know one day I will turn back and take a look at my past...I always do. :) Flying off to KL on 29th! Woopies~ And staying till 1st January 2005. That means I will be spending New Year over there! Heard the clubbing scene there is vastly different from Singapore...hope to be able to go to Zouk KL and have a look!!! Btw, I LOVE MY BROS! Hahaha. Though they will never get to see this. Haha. But still...thanks to them I had a wonderful Christmas Eve. Just the 5 of us (plus their friends), talk cock, watched Meet the Fockers (Brilliant show!!!) and all. No bf to spend Christmas with, but then, got my bros!!! Very very good lar. Hahaha. And I watched Phantom of the Opera in M'sia! LoL~ The tix was like, RM8.00? Haha. Darn cheap okies! After conversion it's only S$3++ for a movie. Very cheap! So when I go to KL I shall make sure I watch SOMEMORE movies! Wahahaha. Anyway. Phantom of the Opera was not bad. For someone who had never watched the theatre version and hence had absolutely no idea how it was, the movie totally captivated me. I am inspired to attend musicals again. LoL~ Dunno why. Maybe I just want to listen to songs. Haha. My sister caught the opera bug though...every little thing she did, she must SING it out. Sheesh~ -_- Ok lar. On with my photo-log. I still got somemore pics..but I shall post this first because I was inspired to do this tonight! (Or to say, this morning... )
The Twin Towers and the KL Tower
On a sidenote: I think I was that close to KL on the way up to Genting lor. Hm...Genting is like, 1 hour from central KL only wors. 
Genting Up in the Clouds
Christmas Decoration
Christmas Deco II
Corridor to the Room
My Hotel Room
Notice this Window?
View from the Other side of the Window!
Other Corner of the Room
Yet Another Corner...
Guess Where This Door Leads To?
The Toilet!
Amazing Array of Bathroom Amenities
Room Slippers
Spectacular View I
Spectacular View II
Soupy Ipoh Hor Fun
My Sista's Dinner
First World - Indoor Shopping Area I
First World Again
The Banned Items of Casino
Stage Setting
Me and My Sista
A Very Nice Display Cabinet
Our Very Stylo Bus
Closer Look
Act-Cute
Icy-Cool
My Hairband Lar!
That's the end of my Genting escapade! Haha. Though nothing much. As it seems, I like to take photo of hotels only. LoL~ Must be because I have been staying at hotels too often liao lar. (Eh, I feel kinda spoilt lar. Muahahaha)
Next up...Mandarin Hotel (Chalet) and also my cousin's wedding lar! If I have time before I fly off. Haha. :)
Ho Ho HO~ Today is eve of christmas liao....
And I have got a new template for my blog. Heehee~ My blog's x'mas gift sia. :p
Plain but I think it's pretty enough le. Hee hee~
For the past week, I have been to chalet (Mandarin Hotel), a wedding, and also Genting! So happening sia. LoL~
The Mandarin Hotel was not bad! Very nice place and very comfy.
The wedding was not bad, but a wee tad informal (buffet style mah). I chanced upon the bridal suite and took lotsa pics! Think other guests must have thought I was mad.
Oh, Genting was simply fun! Went with my 3 cousins and so we played UNO with all the silly rules! Didn't have a chance to visit the theme park though. Anyway, the 3 days we were there, it was really very foggy (or was it cloudy?), so a lot of rides were closed anyway. :)
Yup, and I went into casino too! Muahaha. But I still kena checked for IC. LoL~ Heck care, I am legal liao! Wahahaha.
And on the same day I kena checked for IC, this guy came along and assumed that my little cousin is my son okies!!!! -_- Buay tahan...sigh. So do I look old or do I look young. -_-
The hotel was simply fab! Haha! Another luxury premeire room for us again. It has free mini-bar (can drinks/beer) and fruits for us! LoL~ But no one ate the fruits lar. Haha...the soft drinks came in useful though.
Anyway, I spent the whole afternoon creating my template...glad it's done. I will upload the pictures of Genting later.
Going to watch Meet the Fockers with my bros later! Woohoo~ So happie. At least better than staying at home to rrrrrot. :p
Cheers~
X-mas-mood-jesslyn
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 5:25 PM
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Hm. I want to play my Sims 2...so this will be short. :)
I just read this article on Today by Mr Brown. So touching. Go read it if you haven't.
Cheers~
Just Me
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 1:35 AM
Grrrr. Today not very happie lar. After I posted my blog entry earlier on, I received email regarding my attachment. Never get ah!!!! Boo hoo hoo. Dunno if it's a blessing in disguise or what. Got pros and cons lar. Pros is that, I am not THAT confident that I can do the job, so, phew. Haha. Because at that interview the guy say so many things...machiam only super hero can do...because everything also have to chup a bit. Here and there...everywhere...so it's a lot a lot of things sia.
Cons is that, I have to worry about my attachment all over again!!! Have to do the "fastest fingers first" thingy again...and this time I definitely HAVE to go back to school and do it lor. Stupid system make it first-come-first serve lor...so if dun have the fastest fingers, how to get? The other time 2nd round also like that de...I gei kiang thought that at home also can (because I got cable mah! Very fast de mah...) In the end, kena played out by the school server. I kept staring at the "cannot find server" webpage for 15 minutes...THEN managed to log on lor. In the end my desired companies (non-interviewing) all gone liao, and those left is darn far lar...at changi/pasir ris that side lor. I live at clementi de mah, travel to and fro everyday confirm will die lar. That's why in the end choose the interviewing company lor.
Yah so come thursday, I will have to wake up at 7.30, go to school at 8, then go library and book computer lar! How sad is that! -_- And no one accompany me to school sia. So sad can...
And hor, I got a super unappreciative sister can! Hmph~ Bought her a water bottle (the one she had been nagging at me for) and then when she saw it she was like, "aiyo! why you buy this, why you don't go m'sia and buy something for me..." She complain that the colour not nice, the bottle she also dun like very much. Bleah. Damn angry lor. Every other day bug me to buy the water bottle, buy liao she complain this complain that. Somemore the colour is she choose one leh! Bah!
Then I ask her why people buy birthday pressie for her she dun say thank you one. Then she complain that I shouldn't buy it for her lor. Wah biang! Say earlier lar. I can dun buy one de lor. Cash-strapped me is soooo broke that I had to borrow $ from mr clement lor. And this ingrate sis of mine complain so much lor.
So much for being a nice sister and buying her a birthday pressie that she buggggggged me for so long.
Shall not buy anything for her next time liao...bleah~
very-angry-de-jesslyn
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 11:59 PM
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Haha~ I am quite happie today lar. I was trying to "create" a template of sorts so that I could print photo-stickers. And I managed! Woohoo~ So excited and so happie. So right now I can print photo-stickers and paste them everywhere lar! Muahahaha~
Actually I had intended to do this "anni" book for clement de, because he bought the book during our 1st anni, and at that time I was thinking can write our thoughts in and all that. However, as time passed we had mounting problems and so the inspiration to do one diminished lor. However, with this photo-stickers thingy, my inspiration is revived! Haha. Can paste it all over the book bah. :p
Yup. And I had a darn funny dream last night! Dreamt that I was in school and I was having lunch with tree trunk!!! LoL~ But I think it was me, tree trunk, and another girl lar. -_- And I think that other girl is very pretty de lor. Bleah~ And I dreamt that tree trunk and the other girl from the same hall de. Hm. But the funny thing was we were having lunch on a bench in the field lor. There's no such place in school leh. And then all the time I was having lunch I felt like digging my nose sia. And I also felt so paiseh for digging my nose. LoL~ Buay tahan. Silly dream. Then after finishing lunch the girl and tree trunk walked back to their hall lor. And I felt so sad can? So stupid. :p
Hm...putting things into perspective, I ought to be thankful for what I have been given and not keep whining about everything else. I realise that I am a victim of circumstance...one thing leads to another and then boom! Suddenly I am 21 years older and at the junction of crossroads wondering whether I should move forward, left or right? Never have I ever had the chance to choose...because the choice isn't mind. I just go along with the flow because that's what I have been given, I don't get to choose because I haven't achieved enough to gain what I wanted to do most....to make choices.
Or maybe I am just not brave enough to go against the norm, to do things which are deemed taboo, or just, I didn't dare to do it, because what if I screw it up as well? I think all my life I have been afriad of failures, that I worry for everything. It's strange huh, because for a person who is afriad of failures, he/she should work harder to make sure she doesn't fail. As for me, I just worry on. That's me, pessimistic me, worrying about things that may never happen.
And I can't stand people who have been given it all, who are lucky to be given everything they needed and wanted in their lives, and then in turn, they scorn at others who didn't managed to get what they want in life. Hm. Had the roles be reversed, will they still be scorning at others? If they didn't have such a blessed brain which allows them to study twice the amount in half the time, would they have gotten all their A's? If they didn't have parents with stellar contacts to get them whatever they want, would they have gotten so far in their life?
I have nothing against those people who have everything well laid-out in their lives, just because they have wonderful parents who seems to be linked to every other person who are important enough. I don't give a damn. But I really hate it when they don't realise how lucky they are and they scorn at others (directly or indirectly) by making sarcastic statements degrading you for your lack of brain power and hence, "you should be used to it what." No one has to get used to anything, least of all, sarcastic and degrading statements.
Best part of this? It comes from a person I so-called Friend. Yup. I am a Leo, and Leos, being extreme loyal people, I absolutely cannot tolerate this. The whole world can look down on me and scorn me to death, but not my friends or family. For a friend who does this, I don't regard he/she as a friend anymore. She just fades into nothing-ness, because she no longer exists anymore. :)
Who needs this kind of people as friends when you have other people who can love you more and treat you better right? Haha.
Anyway, I am so glad! My dearest and me are going for chalet this fri! And we are going to spend Friday and Saturday together! Yay. And we shall go watch movie on Friday night too! Ocean's Twelve. Haha. I have already planned the movie liao sia. Hahaha. And actually, our chalet is not the Pasir Ris chalet okies! LoL~ Though we have been there before also lar. But it wasn't luxurious and it's too far from everything!!! Our chalet this time round is smack in the middle of busy Orchard Road...hahaha. Goody! Can go for midnight movies and also eat at the roadside kopitiam lar. So happie!
This is like, the 3rd time we are going for a chalet stay this year, and the 5th time we are going for chalet liaoz. Ok lar. Our chalet is actually hotel lar. LoL~ So fun can? Been busy visiting different hotels in singapore sia. And I am so excited this coming one because it's going to be a Premiere Room which boasts of a Jaccuzi!!! Woohoo. It's a first for us because usually we will get the cheapest hotel room in whichever hotel we get lar. LoL~ Although the hotels we have been to are not cheap lor. Anyway, plus this coming one, only 4 hotels so far lar! So not much of a survey too. :)
My dream hotel will be Ritz!!! Wahahaha~ I really hope that if I am ever going to get married, it will be at the Ritz! Grrr. That's because I love the concept of the bathtub by the window. So romantic...then can sip champagne and all that. And bridal suites are supposed to be very very nice de! Ritz is well-known for it's romance stuffs mah. Hahaha. So that means I must earn a lot of money first before I get married. Or else marry some guy with loads of money lar! Hahaha! But hor I stil got a lot of things to do sia. I wanna travel around the world also, and I wanna give my parents a good life before I marry off sia. LoL~
My dream date to marry? 09/09/09!! Haha. 9's signify longevity mah. Such a nice date. Heh~ Longevity of our marriage. So nice yah. Or 20/09/2009! Nice right? Hahahaha. Anyway I will be in my late 20's by then. Hm...how would it be like? 5 years from now on wor...
Cheers~
Dreaming-of-weddings-Jesslyn
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 11:47 AM
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I am at home lazing away, because mr clement's sick, and me too, so we are both sick in our own homes.
Well, I am not exactly sick. Having a bout of tummy cramps (which has since faded) and also muscle ache at my legs. Every step I take is like torture to me can? Sigh. And mr clement's sick because he is having tummy discomfort. Dunno why we both so unfortunate, got sick (sorta) at the same time. I wanted to go over to look for him, but since he sounded so unwilling, and the fact that he may have to entertain me (and so not get any rest) when I get there, I decided to stay put at home and catch up on my reading.
I love holidays, because they give me a time to indulge in all my books. I have been to the library numerous times since my holidays started, so that I can read and read and read. Never have this chance before, during my school days, because everyday I will be so tired, reading is like, the last thing from my mind. So the only time I have to indulge in my past time will be holidays lor. Not to mention that I have a bf who doesn't mind (and likes) going library with me too. :-) We sound like a nerdy couple. :-p
Yup, thinking back on relationship and stuffs, so on... (which is utmost on my mind these days anyway), I do realise that I am a demanding gf to have. LoL~ And mr clement has been very nicely tolerating and accomodating me all these while. Hmm....actually I am rather afriad. And rather scared. I dun even know whether he's the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I dun know whether he is indeed, suitable for me. Looking at it from a very practical point of view, there are some things which I can never understand about him, and that I dun really know him that well.
He still dare to tell me that he knows me better than I know him. The thing is, he doesn't divulge much. How am I to know him if he doesn't want to open up right? Hmmm...and the irony of it? Haha. I used to think I am a very closed-up person. I dun like people to know the real me. I am quite protective of myself and all that. After knowing clement, I realise that there's someone who's like me, and worse than me, because even in a relationship, he still doesn't open up. Like this, how to know him??? I can probe and probe...but every little thing I ask about is met with indifference, and brushed away, as if it doesn't matter. Haha. How am I to know right?
I actually told him that I thought he led a very sheltered life, because after hearing all those stuffs my friend was telling me about people my age actually committing suicide and all that, I realised that life and feelings are indeed fragile. Like everything can just change in the matter of months. Hmmm....and mr clement still ask me is it people my age are more vulnerable and all that. Wah. Just because such things are not so unfortunate to befall on people around him, he shouldn't just assume that people my age are very problematic lor. I'm just as sure that people his age also got such problems lor, just that none of them are near his circle of friends and so he doesn't hear of it. His very narrow-minded sense of thinking really irritates me sometimes. Bah~
And this isn't the 1st time he's made the age thing so obvious between us...other time it happens, it's always when I give him attitude and all that. And he just attribute it to "my age" and that I am just being childish and all that. Damn irritating. Sometimes I will just tell him to go ahead and find someone older than me, since he believes that girls his age are more mature and won't throw tantrums and give attitude and all that. Just because he see his da sao like that, he assumes all girls his age are also like that. He only sees the happie side of his da sao and his bro. I'm sure every couple also got their fights lor. And his da sao may have some other habits or what that he doesn't like. Can't he see that? Anyway if he is so sure, why would he even ask me be his gf in the 1st place right? Like when he first got to know me, he didn't know that I am younger than him meh?!
Come to think of it, I am still quite angry when I think of all these. Bah. Sometimes I just attribute everything to the fact that he's very sheltered, which he firmly denies and argues with me over it too. So dilemma. And then he told me stuffs which I never knew, mixing around with drug addicts and all that. -_- Then he say because he has done that, he's not that sheltered lor. Then I just told him I never knew about all these...just because he never told me. And he said there wasn't an occassion to bring it up. Need occassions one meh. His soccer betting and the car-craze, also got no occassion, he still brought it up and told me all about it. Bah.
I dunno lar. I'm getting irritated with his narrow-mindedness and his way of thinking. Together with the fact that he doesn't share a lot of himself with me, I feel like I am just with a buddy sometimes. Very fun, crap, laughter and all that, and add a bit of intimacy, that's us. Bf and gf. We don't have any things that are of importance that we share or anything like that. Neither do we have any shared passions or dreams or whatsoever. What lies between us? I also dunno leh.
So confused. I used to think that I need an older guy, because I thought an older guy is more matured and will thus suit me better. Oh, and I thought if he's university-educated, probably more stable and all that. How wrong can I get. The older guy I have is not as matured (by my standards) and in some sense, still unable to plan for his own future. And since whatever I say is of no significance to him (since I am sooo young), I am hoping that for his own good, his colleagues can drill some sense into him. Argh. I give up man. His colleagues have more influence over him than me. bleah~
Haiz. Ok lar, I hope from next post onwards, will be happier stuffs between me and mr clement. we are going for chalet soon and KL too..maybe spending more time together and talking things through will give us a better idea of the relationship. We have not much time for serious business, either out for movies and shopping, if not, none at all, even at his house, got his bro and mom...will be talking to them more than having time for ourselves...so like totally dun have time like that.
Time...so precious! I dun wish for end of December to come...haha...
cheers~
holiday-mood-jesslyn
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 4:06 PM
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Wanted to do something about the layout of my bloggie. But I got lazy. And I didn't understand the codes. Sad!!!
And to think I daringly asked for an attachment on HTML, ASP, SQL, that sort of thing. Hope I dun die there.
Went for the interview today. At last! After my bugging the OPA at school, I got an answer from them. Was getting worried, because 14 Dec is the deadline and if I have got no interview, how can I have an attachment right? Mmmmm~
The interviewer told me roughly what stuffs I had to do if I do get the attachment. And it's like, WAH. A whole lot of stuffs. But he say it will be more on planning and implementing part...not so much the execution. Hmm...so I guess I don't really have to worry that much about codes and stuffs? But! I think I am expected to know, and so, if I really do get the attachment, I better go read up. Haha.
Okies. Anyway having gone for the interview, it's like a load of my mind. Quite sad leh, everyone ask me what company I got, and I tell everyone I have got no company. Like no one wants me like that. Boo hoo hoo~ And right now everything else is beyond my control. Heh~ If I get it, good. If not, I hope the OPA will find something else for me bah...
Anyway I realised I made Mr Clement sound like he was conspiring against me like that. I admit, I am having quite a bit of PMS these days. LoL~ So I tend to let my thoughts run wild. Even my friend cannot tahan me. Haha. Went out with another of my good friend yesterday, and she told me a whole lot of other things which I never knew before. Haha.
It's quite weird you know. I have 2 good friends whom I share about all these stuffs. One of them will be on my side and the other will be on Clement's side. Haha. The friend I went out with yesterday was on Clement's side. Heh~ So that's why, it's quite balance lar. While I am so blind to certain things, maybe having her around to remind me is just good.
Clement isn't THAT bad lar. Just not exactly what I have in mind. He can be a little too bo chup on a lot of things, especially on certain issues that matter to me. So I attribute it to him not being supportive enough lor. He is, in some sort of a way. With him, I have to freedom to do WHATEVER I want. If I tell him now I wanna run off to Tibet and live for 6 months, he will just say ok, go ahead! Like whatever I do doesn't concern him like that. And my telling him is machiam like sorting for his approval. He always say, "I say yes liao mah, what else you still want me to say?" Hmmm~ Be a little more supportive? Or at least show interest? Hmmm~
Ok lar. I dun really want to run off to Tibet and live for 6 months. But I really do want to be air stewardess. How! I can't join SIA leh, because I have moles on my face and hands. So irritating. SIA's criteria is kinda strict leh. So sad. So I have to join some other airlines bah... I think I shall go full force and look at it when I am nearing graduation bah....
Hm. Thinking about it, I sort of have an idea of what I want. I need someone who can complement me, support me, and most importantly, be always there for me. It's quite sad, because sometimes when I really need someone, my 1st thought will be him, and then subsequent thought will be thinking that it's of no use...because he can't help. He will just use his laid-back tone and tell me not to worry lar, everything will be ok lar, dunno why i worry so much. Sounds so demoralising until I often hesitate when I do face difficulties. No point lar. I tell him my problems and he's going to tell me all that. Sheesh~
Anyway, we both had a long serious talk last night (still with lots of nonsense -_- ) and we sort of laid out our expectations of each other. Like what we want in each other lor. Like what's his ideal and what's my ideal. That's because I find that, when I know what he wants, I can probably change myself to better suit him. Like my friend said, there's no way that he can change himself, it's either I change myself, or I make him realise that he has to change himself.
And don't mention about loving him the way he is, or him loving me the way I am. No point lar. We can try to accomodate, compromise, to suit each other, but then if the other party is oblivious to the accomodation and the compromising, you will just tire of it all de. That I know because I have seen it from another friend's failed relationship. Her guy just got tired of accomodating her...
And so we have now our expectations laid out, and we set a deadline for it. 3rd May 2005 shall be the day of our annual evaluation. It's our 2nd anniversary lar! LoL~ Just nice sia. And actually whether we will have our 2nd anniversary, also dunno. Judging by the way things are going, I am seriously quite worried about the coming months with him working and me working. It's like, a new set of problems are definitely going to come out of it. I can feel it liao...
Yup. This whole thing machiam like a project like that. Okay lar. It's our own relationship project. To try to build a better relationship. To try to be a better person for each other. To try to be accomodating and compromising in whatever way so that we can meet at the middle. That sort of thing. And I sort of made it in such a way that, if by this 2nd anniversary, things still doesn't work out, he's free to go with no obligations. I believe 2 years is enough to know whether a person is right for you, since we have have already let each other know of our expectations.
Initially I gave the time frame of 3 years, but then since mr clement suggested 2 years, so might as well. Haha. At least he knows he can't drag this any longer. LoL~
Quite glad, because we have everything out in the open. So this leaves the executing part bah. Despite all these problems and stuffs, we are still planning to go for our chalet on 17th and even go KL on 30th. He still insisted on going, because even though we have all these in between us, I am still his gf and so there isn't any reason not to go. :) He's quite sweet ah...
Maybe the chalet and the KL trip will help strengthen our relationship? I dunno. :) Just have to wait and see.
Cheers~
loving-on-Jesslyn
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 9:38 PM
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I will come up with something to put on the right side soon. Suggestions? LoL~
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 1:11 PM
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I went out today, not with the guy in question, but with my good friend. And I realised a lot of things, after talking to her. That's what good friends are for... :) Love ya, gal!
Yup. So right now I know that I am NOT as mature as I think I am, and I have a habit of dragging things too far because all the while I will be waiting for miracles to happen. And to this, I have my good friend to thank because if not for what she has told me (in a desperate bid to wake me up?) I think I shall just continue with my little philosophies whatsoever.
Actually these few days are officially my "girl-friends day". Haha. On Sunday I went out with my JC click to celebrate one of the girls' birthday, and very coincidentally, I met my 1st 3 months JC FRIEND! She was my goodest friend during the 1st 3 months, however we have been drifting like mad ever since we enter uni. So glad to see her, she was doing some roadshow and happened to spot me. Heh~ And so we are going to date each other next week! So happie... :)
And then on Monday I went over to my good friend's house for a visit. She's going overseas tomorrow (which is today) so I have to see her lar! If not never see her then she go liao have to wait till after christmas lor. (which is darn long!) And she's the one who woke me up from all my little philosophies. Haha.
Then tomorrow (aka today actually since it's already past midnight) I will be meeting another of my friend! My primary/secondary/jc/uni friend! Imagine that! LoL~ We were from the same class in primary school for 6 years straight...then went on to the same secondary, JC and now we are both in NTU. Haha~ We had even been colleagues for a short while, selling mobile phones. Haha. But that's in the past liao. Both of us are now "struggling" in uni now lor. Heh~
One last happy thing before I dwell upon my current r/s situation.
I found my Jack-Jack Holder!!!!!! So happie so happie! My mom walked past JE today and saw it on sale, so she called me and asked if I wanted it. OF COURSE! Haha. Been looking for it for so long, and ever since I realised that MacDonald's doesn't really sell everything in sequence. Haha. So my very wei3 da4 mom bought the EVM, and then the Jack-Jack Holder! It's still in its plastic, I shall clear my table and make room for it, then take it out. Must treasure it well mah. :)
So, I think I am quite xin4 fu2 after all! I am glad I still have my girl friends with me (especially my 2 good friends) and they are the ones who wake me up when I fall too deeply. ;) Or help me analyse my r/s woes. Okay. I think I have plenty of it these days. *wonders if it's a ritual or what* And of course a wonderful mom whom I know will always be there for me.
Yup. Anyway. I have come to realise that, for the case of Mr Clement, I guess I need not fret too much, worry too much, think too much or even, bother at all. That's because, there were so many obvious hints! After telling my good friend about all those stuffs regarding him and me throughout this year, I suddenly see a clearer picture of it all. I mean, blogging can only do so much, maybe I need to talk it out and talk it loud to realise what is happening. And I realise long bus rides do the trick, in helping me piece everything together.
And I guess I'm on my way to Heartbreak Hotel. Seriously. That's because of everything that's been happening, it made me realise and see who he is for himself. My good friend said before, that there's no way I can make him change for me. I am the one who has to change. And if I dislike changing, there's no way he would change. That's because no one can change another if that "another" doesn't want to.
And no, I don't think I need changing, that's because for most part of everything, I believe I have been accomodating enough and compromising in certain stuffs. I don't throw tantrums at him, I guess I give him attitude. -_- Or else I just keep it in myself and then blow up in a blog. Actually this blog is the one thatI blow up in. Haha...because he doesn't know of this blog, and I have every intention never to let him know. ;) I do keep a blog for him, and I used to write things I am not happy about inside the blog. Somehow when I am not happy I don't really know how to tell him face-to-face. I guess I prefer to just put it in words (print) rather than talk it out. He told me that I keep to blog to complain about him. -_- He thought I was self-centered, selfish and all that. I didn't create that blog with that intention actually. I thought that because I am so no-good with everything face-to-face, I thought it would be better to have an outlet elsewhere for him, so that whenever I am not happy and refuse to say anything, he can go to the blog for the answers he craves.
However since it defeats the purpose with his kind of narrow-minded thinking, I have ceased bothering to even write my displeasure in that blog. Felt kinda hurt when he told me about my being self-centered and all that. I guess that's how he sees everything, and so, I refuse to bother now. -- Hint numero uno.
And all along, all those meetings with friends, all those outings with friends, he has never brought me along, even though "girlfriends were there" (quoted by the Guy in Question) So I guess that's how important I am? Hmmmm~ It seldom mattered to me, though I did think of want to meet his friends, especially after he has met mine. Everything is supposed to be 2-way, isn't it? Add on the fact that whenever he sees his friends he drops my hand like as if it's something so awefully dirty. What more can I say?-- Hint numba too.
Okies, then friends were 1 thing, family is a seperate issue. He doesn't even bother bringing me back, just because I once mentioned that his house very ulu (really mah). And plus also the wedding thing. Grrrr. I absolutely dunno what to say. And everytime he asks me over, he gives me the option NOT to go over...and then usually a bout of "analysing" later, he will tell me it's better for me not to turn up at his place. Ok lor. I don't go over lor. But as we all know, guys who are not that enthu about bringing the gf home, you know what it means lar. Isn't it? This time round I had to insist that I go. If not, he was saying "have to meet my brother and da sao, and the whole family leh. you ready or not. not ready another day also can." He already sound so demoralising. Bleah~ -- Hint numbo tree.
Right. And then I guess things are not as good as it was in the past. In the past, we would chat over the phone every night. Even when we already met up that day. We would still chat at night. Right now, it's once after many many nights. And no, it's not because we met up liao. It's because I will insist and so he will do it. Yup. It's been like these, ever since my exams ended. But I don't feel like asking him everynight whether he wanna chat or not. And so I selectively ask. And out of the selective days, he will tell me he's too tired and not want to chat. Hm. In the past, when he wanted to chat, he would let me know that he's tired (very early) and that we should chat earlier that night. Right now, he's too tired, so no more chats lor. Simple as that. Is it an obvious enough hint? -- Hint number 4.
Out of all these, I realised that, probably throughout these few months (or probably the year), everything he has been doing, was just because I asked him to do. I will tell him I want this, or I want that, and as long as he feels he can fulfil my demands, he will do it. He will do everything I ask, because he feels that by doing so, he can make me happy. I realised that too, and I think it's not a good thing. That's because if he will only do things when I ask, then if I don't he will never do it. Which means it's not something within his character and not in him. That isn't a guy I want. I want a guy who will do things for me just because he wants to and only because he wants to, not because I have asked and he feels obligated to do it just to make me happy. Such happiness doesn't last. I know it for now, because surrounding me are all those things he bought for me. And yet I don't feel any happier having all those things. Now I know the meaning of "Happiness cannot be bought".
That's why right now whenever I come across things I find cute, and he insist on buying, I will tell him NOT to buy. I no longer see any point in it, because, I know I won't be anymore happier having those stuffs than not having those stuffs. No point wasting money right?
And I have come to realise that, I am not the most important person in his life. To him, I will always be number 3, after his family and work. Or number 4, if you count his friends in. When I told him he's number 1, he quickly changed his priorities too. How lame is that right? LoL~ At that time I still thought that it was nice of him to change (silly me) and was feeling oh-so-important like that. So stupid of me!
I have been centering him around my life (for most of the time) until I realised that, it's always me who's accomodating to him, not the other way around. He will only take leave to accompany me because he is sian of working, not because he wanna accompany me. And because of that I have to accompany him since he always say he took leave specially for me. Yeah right. *roll eyes* And yet when his colleagues ask him to go outings/tours, he will gladly take leave and run off with them. I feel used...bleah~
And the best part of everything, is probably his unwillingness to show his committment for me. I realise, even his sweet talk is more like the politically correct talk so as to make me happie. Yah. He is forever thinking he will make me happie by doing certain things and saying certain things. And in the end I feel like I dun really know him. Hm~ His politically correct talk? Whenever I ask him about what he plans for his future. It will be to earn lots of $, save lots of $, buy car, and after somemore prompting, will be to "give me a good wedding". Wahaha. I don't believe in it right now. It's politically correct mah. And then after that he will smile and ask whether am I happie to hear that. LoL~ Yah. If a girl hears this kind of thing (marrying part lar) from a guy she loves, of course happie to hear lar. If not how? Be so sad meh?
All his actions/words are too deliberate. I cannot take it liao!!! -_-
He told me that I don't know him well enough, because he was making a comment about some guy going for another girl (even if he is married) because his wife's sexual skills are not good enough. What the hell. And so I just insist that he will be the one who will do that, isn't it? And so he says I don't know him well enough. Now that I realise that everything has been deliberate, the relationship has been deliberate, so what's anything to know about him? I don't know, because all he does is deliberately trying to make me happie. Yah I know making me happie is a good thing, but hey, if it has to become like this I think not.
And then he says that he knows I will always be there for him, and that's why no matter how many guys come after me, he knows I won't just leave him like that. On 1 hand, it's Great! He trusts me! Yayyy. On the other hand, it seems like he has taken me for granted. As long as he says some sweet nothings and buy me things, I will definitely stay right? Won't run away because he has told me he loves me and wants to always be with me. Hmmmmmmm~ I am not a 3-yr-old little girl any longer. There's a thin line between trust and taking for granted, and actually I am not sure what to think. Hmmmm~
I used to get so taken in over everything and was sooooo BLIND to everything. Bah. 1 and half years into the r/s, I finally see some light. Quite fortunate eh? I am not materialistic (that I know long ago. haha) and I am actually beginning to be realistic for once, instead of hoping for a miracle. I used to think that things will get better as time passes and when we are in this r/s longer. However it dawned on me that maybe nothing will get better even after many years have passed.
And it's funny how my friends were reacting to my talking about weddings recently. Okay, I really find weddings kinda sweet and I have been seeing so many of it this whole entire year! LoL~ It's quite interesting to know all the customs/traditions that go along with it, and for me, it boils down to one thing.... Troublesome. LoL~
And no, I am not in a hurry to settle down whatsoever. I know what I want in a guy, and unless I can find everything I want in a guy, I won't settle for less. Haha~ Come to think of it, after seeing Clement's da sao and his brother, I realise all the ups and downs in a r/s and all those courtship just boils down to this: getting married. Probably married life is different from being in a relationship, but I guess the courtship is gone and all that. To me, everything seems bland after that. Come to think of it. For a married couple, they will lead seperate lives in the day, and then go home to each other at night. And they will probably be so tired that just a little chat and then they will fall asleep. The next morning, both will wake up and will probably be rushing to work and so, they start leading their own seperate lives. This cycle will continue on and on. Possible scenario? Absolutely.
And so I actually harboured the idea of having a forever bf rather than a husband. Wahahaha~
Cheers~
Realistically Jesslyn
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 1:54 AM
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I am extremely irritated now.
I dun understand why he has to work even on his off days.
I dun understand why he must be so OOOOON about his work
I dun understand why he must work and work and work.
I dun understand how a simple body check up can lead to going for WORK.
I dun understand why he cannot say NO to work on his OFF DAY.
I dun understand why he just cannot bother to make time for me on his OFF DAY.
I AM EXTREMELY IRRITATED NOW.
Doesn't he realise we don't have much time to spend together liao?
Doesn't he realise that next year I'll be working?
Doesn't he realise that he will be working at NIGHT while I will be working in the DAY?!
Doesn't he realise that our only similar off-days are weekends?
Doesn't he realise that his shift schedule will cause our weekends to co-incide ONCE per month?
Doesn't he realise that we will end up dating ONCE PER MONTH?
Doesn't he realise that his going Aussie means lesser time together?
Doesn't he WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME?
What the hell.
I don't want all those things he gave me.
I don't want the Jack-Jacks I have around me.
I don't want his shawl.
I don't want his MOGU.
I don't want his jacket.
I don't want his ring.
I don't want his cushions.
I JUST WANT HIM TO SPEND TIME WITH ME. ON HIS OFF DAYS.
Is that too much to ask? Is that too much to want?!
Bloody hell.
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 11:03 AM
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Haven't posted much photos for my last few posts...well, because I can only upload photos to my lappie, not my PC, and since I am at home now, which means I use a PC rather than a lappie and so all my photos stay inside my mobilephone and I also get too lazy to photos liao.
Anyways, here are some of my "escapades" with my mobilephone-cam. Heh~ Enjoy. :-)
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So I bo-liao-ing-ly took some bo-liao photos of the toilet lor. 
Here goes:
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Then actually towel also provided de. So many things provided, makes going swimming not so much of a hassle! 
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Anyway here are pictures from the motorshow, taken with my mobilephone-cam. Yup, never bring my digi-cam along because I went motor show straight after my exams mah. No time to go home get camera and bring out. So have to use mobilephone lor.
Fail!
