I seldom post vids coz my connection is screwed up enough to disable me from viewing them.
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend.
If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples..and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet pee ves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best of each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.
Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
"Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think." The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands forever.
Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight? Always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the "i".
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
I am touched by this little passage. Probably because it came at a time whereby things are not so good.
Sometimes I wonder why must everything happen in this manner...why bring me up there into the high skies and the clouds and then leave me to fall splatter-smatter alone. That kind of feeling sucks, really.
Although I can always psycho myself out of everything (I have been great doing that) but I know that as long as the problem remains, no amount of psycho-ing can chase the problem away. And this is not a problem that can disappear on its own.
So I am trying to be more positive and happy now, and learn to see both sides of the coin and understand from all parties' point of views, but it isn't working really fine.
I still get bouts of depression like this. :)
But I know that after I have finish indulging in my reverie, I still have to face the world. Things to study, work to do...things like that.
Been packing my things lately, I don't know why. I am suddenly keen on packing...probably like trying to pack my life away. Or maybe make things easier for people who have to pack my things when I'm not around...I don't know.
I have a quiz next Tuesday and I am really worried...I don't know if I can do it well this time round...I know I ought to be mugging hard but somehow the mind is willing the heart is nowhere to be found.
I gotta get a grip but I don't know what am I going to grip. Grip on myself? Grip on others? If it's myself, I am really dumbfounded, because I don't know what can I grip on...
On others? Not possible because I don't want to rely on other people...I feel more vulnerable than ever lately and I don't enjoy that.
So now I am still confused on what am I supposed to grip...
Another meaningful passage, before I go...
Cup or Water?
A group of working adults got together to visit their University lecturer. The lecturer was happy to see them. Conversation soon turned into complaints about the stress at work and life.
The lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an assortment of cups. Some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some plain looking and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.
The lecturer offered his former students the cups to get drinks for themselves. When all had a cup in hand with water, the lecturer spoke:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you want only the best for yourselves, that really is the source of your problems and stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we subconsciously went for the better cups."
"Just like in life, if Life is Water, then the jobs, money and position in society are the Cups. They are just tools to hold and maintain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. If we concentrate on just the Cup, we won't have time to enjoy the Water in it! "
Food for Thought
- Are we getting so caught up with the 'Cups' in our life that we've become slaves to it?
- What's the point in having the best looking and most expensive 'Cups' if we don't live meaningful lives and touch the hearts of the people around us?
I chanced upon this blog on Yahoo 360 (yah, there is something like that!). It's really meaningful and rather insightful.
A picture says a thousand words.
This is kinda worrying.
I got this from my cousin some time back. But didn't get around to reading it because the gmail is as full as it is and my email seems to be cluttered all the time. Of course, gems always emerge when you dig hard enough, and so here it is. :)
Idiosyncrasies
a strange or unusual habit, way of behaving or feature that someone or something has: She often cracks her knuckles when she's speaking - it's one of her little idiosyncrasies. One of the idiosyncrasies of this printer is that you can't stop it once it has started to print.
Those who are still single may learn something from here.... Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage....
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are simply predictable.. Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
18 August 1983
