It's quite funny, sometimes once in a while I will get a bit nostalgic and then think of all the past stuff that happened. The boy is right about me...I always like to remember the past and especially, the unpleasant unhappy past. Labels: dreams, my life, rants, relationships
This has been pretty difficult for him because he always have to bear the brunt of all my wonderful memory of unpleasantries. Best of all is that I tend to remind him, time and again. And especially whenI'm not happy with him I will definitely remind him. This is not healthy, but I have been trying to control so much already but still to no avail. It has decreased a lot but still, I tend to remind him time and again.
Sometimes I wonder why am I such a person. I feel like I'm this totally horrid person when I'm around him. Which sucks, because I don't want to be a horrible person. I want to have a nice, happy relationship, I want to feel happy about being together with him and I want to feel happy about our future together. However everytime I want to do that, something will always hold me back. Like I want to appreciate him for being so sweet, then the "evil" part of me will step in and say, "he should be doing that! He let you down so badly in the past". So on and so forth.
And sometimes I feel totally negative about getting hitched. Like why he didn't want to get hitched earlier. Why he want to wait until so old. Why he didn't spare more thought for my feelings when he said all those hurtful words. Why why why? I also have no idea.
Anyway I have been through all these with him many many times, I think he should be hurt until numbed or something. I feel like the "evil" part of me is doing her utmost best to hurt him back, just like the way how he hurt me in the past.
I'm this kind of dilemma-ish until I also cannot tahan myself. -_-!!
Being in a relationship should be bringing out the best in both of you right? However I feel like I'm at my very worst when I am with him. Grrrr. How ah. How to change that cynical part of me into non-cynical again?!
Even like this evening while I was on the bus home and I was feeling totally negative, like being in a relationship for so long then no point getting hitched, because everything is still the same right? Anyway I have always felt that an ideal time to settle down is after being bfgf for 3 years. I think 3 years is the magic time line la. Anything more than that is too long. Anything less is too short. So I have always held this 3 year deadline in high regard.
Anyway to make the long story short, the 3 year mark came and I was still stuck in the relationship with no result. Ask him, he also cannot give me any answer. That marked the most frustrating period and really down period of my life.
And he did that not once, but twice to me.
2nd time round I was almost ready to leave. Almost. If not for the fact that we got to attend a friend's wedding together, I would have probably left him there and then.
Anyway I always felt like being taken for a ride. Which makes it very frustrating.
Fast forward to 2008. We actually managed to successfully ballot for the house. Which is a good thing if we are happy in love. But we were not.
Or to say, I am not.
I don't know when I ever will be. Always felt like he's been taking his own sweet time in regards to matters like this. If I never go and "blow" him, he probably won't bother with anything at all. -_-!!!
And I always feel like what's keeping us together is just the house and nothing more. It's scary to think like that because now the house has become our focal point of staying together, rather than the fact that we are in love, we understand each other and we want to be together.
He doesn't understand why I am still so negative, in fact he feels like he has done a lot for me, for this relationship. But I think he doesn't know what I truly want. I want him to come to me on his own accord, to actually show that he did give some thought into everything. I feel like now I'm still the controller, doing stuff...hinting him on...guiding him on.
I'm so tired of it all. And sometimes I just wonder if it's okay if I just give it up. I don't wish to battle within myself anymore. That feeling sucks. And everytime I look at him I really don't know what to do. I have the angel and the devil fighting inside me. And I am irritated by the fights going on until I just want to ignore them.
I think the problem arose because we were both heading in different directions. I looked upon the relationship as a means to an end. He looked at the relationship not to have an end. Just a mean. Maybe in the first place we both had our problems but were oblivious to it.
I know he will be a good husband, because he's already a very good boyfriend. I just need to get over this mental block of mine. I don't know how am I going to because the devil inside me is stick-in-the-mud and refusing to let the angel reason.
And here I am, still fighting a huge fight within myself. Which he cannot understand. He probably just think that I'm the one who insist on dwelling on it (which is not), and he has already given up trying to fight that devil. But I need his help badly...if only he knew. :(
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 8:32 PM
Just a short one, before I buzz off. :)
Worked a month plus, busy like crazy, but it's bearable.
Office's air-conditioning is so cold, I fell sick with flu.
My office's internet can check email, but cannot surf blogs. :(
But I can view mr Brown's webbie, that's good enough. :)
I spent my 1st pay giving friends a treat, my parents money, treating clement for our anniversary (we are 4 yrs old!! omg).
I saved like 200 bucks only. :)
I gave my sis 50 bucks and I feel like, so happy. lols.
My boyfriend gave me flowers for the 2nd time in our 4 years together. It was our anniversary. :)
He also gave me a PSP and The Sims 2 so that I won't be bored on my way to work. Haha.
He also treated me to a nice Italian dinner at Holland Village where we were treated like prince and princess.
We didn't know how to eat the bread though. ;)
Then we went for a hotel stay (my treat) at Intercontinental. Shiok!!!
The toiletries are L'Occitane, no less. I feel so pampered.
We went to the executive lounge for tea and breakfast. Personalised service by the waitress. Shiok again.
The executive lounge full of ang-mohs. Hahaha. I like ang mohs leh.
Oh forgot to mention. Some of the ppl I meet on my job also very good looking.
Especially this particular man from UK. Kena "shocked" by his deep set eyes.
I also got pick up by 2 men on my job. Damn funny. Heh.
My boyfriend was incredulous when I told him. Heh. He said, "who dares to sian my mrs turner?" (refer to Pirates of the Carribean. Heh.)
I didn't watch Spidey and Shrek. Only watched Pirates.
Feeling damn deprived of movies.
Feeling damn tired after reaching home everyday.
I made 60 bucks this week after selling off my jeans. I have cash again. Haha.
I want to watched Ocean's 13. I want to watch Shrek.
I need a movie marathon but it costs too much. Haha.
And now, I need to go off becoz I got to wash my clothes, bathe and then read a bit and then sleep.
Oh, and frankly, I am afriad of mother-in-laws. After reading my Jane Green book. (title is The Other Woman)
That Mars and Venus show on ch 8 is also a good example as well.
And now I really shall go. :)
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 9:06 PM
I watched Music and Lyrics yesterday!! I think it must be like, the best movie I have ever watched. Haha.
I love love love everything about it!!!
Even the retro cheesy song.... that goes POP!
Haha. This movie is like, highly recommended. :)
By me!! Hee.
The theme song is so nice... "Way Back Into Love"...this song speaks into my heart actually.
Grr.
I am gonna get the sound track! Teehee.
Way Back Into Love by Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett
I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on
I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need ‘em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere
I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end
I just want to know that you will be with me till the end. :)
On a last note, Haley Bennett is absolutely pretty...she looks so classy. I think I just fell in love with her in the movie. Haha.
***
These days something is wrong with me.
I am shitting like, way too much.
I am feeling tired all day long even when I am doing nothing.
I am feeling an increase in appetite that even I am so worried about.
I am feeling nauseous whenever the increase in appetite strikes.
I have no sign of getting my mense.
Grrr. Like so contradicting!! By right if I feel like eating I shouldn't be feeling nauseous....
I might be sick. :(
***
Clement and I went down to gym during the weekend, and we signed up for personal trainer! LoL!!
I wasn't keen but he WAS keen so that's why...
Anyway we got a discount for the both of us...haha.
I'm glad because now in addition to Suntec, His House, IMM and West Coast Park, we have an extra place to go...
But I think we might just get a wee bit too lazy. :)
***
I am very excited because I have been playing Phantasy Star Universe and my character has grown by leaps and bounds within just 2 days!!
He's now at level 12. But I am just too lazy to upgrade his weapons la...
Geez.
I stopped my Final Fantasy XII because I have no more FAQ le.
Must wait for the computer to be fixed first!! Heehee.
***
Yay...this wkened I'm going Mind's Cafe!! Haha...my virgin trip... :p
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 2:32 PM
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I have always been wondering what can I do with the label-thing on my blog. Like catagorize it or something right? Then I realised that to do that I must change the template into the new layouts kind, which contains what we call 'widgets'. Labels: rants, relationships
All is good, but I don't like to be stucked with the default template, and I tried tweaking it a bit. Guess what, it became a battle with blogger with its never-ending reminders of how my xml need some proper closing/ending/whatsoever. In other words, normal HTML doesn't work. Geez.
So I'm back to my nice elegantly simple layout. I think I will do the labels thing manually for now till Blogger comes up with something else. (It's strange why they would support labels, but give no option to add it in your template though. *shrugs*)
Okie. Enough of geek talk. Haha.
Meanwhile my both arms are aching madly these days. It's amazing counting the fact that I haven't been exercising much, haven't been carrying heavy things, haven't been doing much housework (oops!). But both have ached excessively these days, to the point whereby changing clothes is actually a chore and I wince everytime I gotta bathe/change.
Even the powerful Yoko-Yoko doesn't help.
Very ridiculous right! The only reason I came up with for my aching arms is that I have been sleeping with my arms over my head too much. Even then, this has never happened before. So I also don't understand what's going on. My poor poor arms.
And just now I discovered an extreme painful area on my head. Like, so weird. It doesn't hurt when you don't touch it, but it hurts like hell if I just gently press on it. So far I am assuming that it's a pimple (on my scalp!! OMG) and I am hoping it will go away after a few days. If it doesn't, then I shall ask my dearest and mostest to mine through my hair and see what it is. Heh.
Oh and I thought of highlighting my hair some time this week. Hee.
Another thing. My good friend said she laugh until she nearly fell off the chair after reading my previous post. It's supposed to be sad leh. We are all mundane people and no hope already la. Haha.
However this is not the point. Suddenly I have a mad idea. Maybe I shall just forgo the marriage part and then just go aim for a kid straight. This also means, getting pregnant out of wedlock.
This is a rather ridiculous idea because the older generation will definitely frown upon a woman with a child but with no husband. However since I don't see myself getting married by 25, I might as well have a child when I am still young and healthy, my eggs are of good quality (I hope). Then I can also have a child with a closer age gap and then I wil have energy to run after her if she's too active. Heh.
Then to find a suitable man for this would-be child of mine, I will go and purposely find a man who has 1)sisters, 2)enjoys eating vegetables. This is so that the likelihood for me to conceive a girl will be higher (girls are always better, no matter what. Hah). Since the gender of the baby is dependent on the guy, so he must fulfil this criteria first. Then he must not be too hairy (later my girl too hairy how!) yet he must not be balding (obviously should not be balding at 25 la!). Best is if he has double eyelids (did I mention I love guys with double eyelids?) and he has long pretty lashes and non-slitty eyes. He must also be tall as well!!
Oh, and best if he has good skin complexion also!! Then my girl will inherit a pretty good complexion.
Where to find this kind of man ah? LoL!!
Actually ah, if can I would have given birth at 25. I am sick of menstrual cramps. Really.
But it's kinda selfish, coming from someone who admits that she has zero maternal instincts. Babies are still very alien to me at this point, even though I enjoy playing with strangers' babies very very much. Maybe I just cannot handle them crying at me. Hee.
Time to sleep. Haha. I must be delirious from typing such a ridiculous post and staring at blogger's template editor.
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 2:23 AM
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I am slack I am slack I am slack. :(
But I am trying. I sent out resumes, and I just received my 1st rejection email. Oh well.
After that I kinda got scared to go online to check email because I don't feel ready to face yet another rejection email. Geez.
Hence the lack of updates and online presence.
But nevermind, it's not as if everyone has to love me, not as if every company must call me up for interview. If I'm not suitable (aka good enough), so be it. There's always another company mah.
Anyway. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I guess the earliest I can start work will be either March or April. That's if by then I managed to secure a job. We'll just see how it goes.
Okie so nothing much has been happening, my supposedly Taiwan photo-log is not done yet because the sister's been hogging the computer for the last few days, printing out her past year papers and making the printer jam and making ME fix that printer. Poly students do not have it easy either, huh.
With 5 tests and 2 reports to finish, I guess it's my duty to be a supportive sister and help in anyway I can. Including fixing a jammed printer and sweating profusely because of it. -_-!!
Nevermind, I am gaining positive karma points for it. Haha.
However I feel irritated when my sis complains that the computer is going to spoil. You know, it feels like she's cursing the computer or something. Geez. I am sick of bringing it down to Sim Lim to get it fixed (have to beg a certain someone to drive me down), and I cannot understand why my computer so weak huh.
Why huh!!! I'm so irritated.
Other than that the recent happenings in my life includes cruising, swimming, muscle aches, and er...shares.
Went cruise last weekend. :) Then watched Gurmit Singh perform (he's so funny!) and then went swimming on the ship. I swam 90 laps okay. I don't know how many metres because I also don't know what is the length of the pool. My gues is it's about 10m in length so 90x10=900m
That's about a kilometre. Anyway after that I had horrendous muscle ache, which I made it worse by playing shooting games in the arcade. The gun was so heavy lah....haha.
We changed 50bucks worth of tokens and got a set of Star Cruise playing cards for free. Haha. :)
Oh! I also won 50 bucks on the jackpot machine in the casino. Tee-hee-hee. The machine is so cute leh...it's actually called Rich Little Piggies, and because it's pigs, of course I must play ma!! :)
My lucky machine man. Haha. Anyway could have won more, but oh well, greed got over me and I lost some of my winnings.
Nevermind la, at least win a bit better than never win right. I am easily contented ma.
Hmm...and now the highlight of the day is staring at shares. I ain't no expert, but nevertheless, it's a good time to learn more. :)
And I met up with my bestie too. Seems that she's gonna have long holidays thanks to CNY...so we are going sun-tanning and the works. Haha. I am so happy man.
Just to end...me and the picturesque background in Taiwan. :) I like the waterfall. But I cannot remember where this place is. Ha ha.
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 1:54 AM
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I'm so tired. Labels: rants
I am starting to believe that job-hunting is also a full-time job okie. No joke. Time spent poring over newspapers, poring over job sites, and then editing and re-editing the resume till it looks okay...and then comes the cover letter to ensure it looks okay as well.
I cannot believe how tired I am just from doing this. I have been at it all day, mind you.
I've got an idea what I wanna pursue, but it ain't gonna be easy, precisely because it's a radical change from what I have been studying for that last 4 years. I don't deny that being an engineer will ensure higher pay, and in one of the leading companies. However all I have is passion, and since my passion overrules the money issue, so passion is the way to go. :)
I hope I can find something I really like!!!
***
I realised today how I have been treating someone for granted. Quite bad huh? So I say I want dinner, that someone turns up for dinner with me. I want supper, and supper it is too. I have always taken all these for granted until I realised that there are many others who can actually gush over such simple things.
What has happened to me leh? Geez. I used to gush also. But somehow along the way I got used to it and if supper or dinner doesn't materialise I get kinda grumpy and tantrumy.
I must learn to appreciate these little acts once again.
Now it's no longer dinner, or supper. It's cuppaucino!! Haha.
***
I bought 2 tops over the weekend, shirts in fact, in preparation for any interviews that might come my way. Pretty happy with my buys! It's all thanks to U2, G2000 and Fox having sales at the same time. Fox sales is madness!! 70% (approx) off for 3 items or more. But I gotta control because I cannot buy anymore Fox clothings. Haha.
My clothes cupboard is full of casual wear and very, very little officewear. This has gotta change.
Maybe I should invest in a suit too. :) Gonna check out G2000 this weekend again.
***
Sometimes I worry that I spend more than I save. Or in other words, now that I am not earning, I am so worried that my savings are going to disappear without any warning.
Control, is the order of the day. Cannot eat too expensive, cannot buy too many things. Hah.
Talking about buying stuffs, I end up with little or no space at home to stash them. Might as well not buy right.
***
Oh I bought like 3 bedsheet sets in a week. I am crazy, I know. Haha. I feel like an aunty, looking at bedsheets at the bedlinen department of Robinson's, and even more so, when grabbing good deals for bedsheets at John Little. It's the power of sales, I believe.
I got myself higher threadcount bedsheets this time, so I guess I can sleep with a smiling face at last. Haha.
Believe me, threadcount ought to be at least 280 per cm square. Anything less than that, wouldn't last for more than a year.
This time I smart, I got myself a 320 threadcount bedsheet. Tee-hee.
Anyway! I never knew bedsheets can be so expensive till I saw one which is like $700 bucks for a set. But of course, the threadcount is like 458 per cm square so maybe that's part of the reason.
You will be sleeping literally on gold if you get this set. Haha.
***
This post is incoherent and nonsensical but nevertheless, it's a post because I wanna rant. :)
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 6:48 PM
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Wah, I'm so late. Been out of touch with my blog...don't even feel like blogging much. Haha. Labels: rants
How was your first week of 2007 so far? :)
Mine was great! Except for the fact that I had been slacking away.
We watched fireworks of 2007 from a particular hill in the west. Haha. Far, far away from the crowds. And we chatted till 2AM, before I gotta get home.
I think it was the first ever time that we stayed out so late!!!
Hmm...and then met up with my good friend, went Settler's and KTV during her remaining days of freedom. ;) School's starting, so must the hard work too!! Maybe I'll see you when I pop over to school this sem. Heee.
I just finally unpacked from my Taiwan trip. Realised that I didn't buy much stuffs, just a bag and 2 pairs of shoes. Firstly, clotheswise, they were all long-sleeves. Which, in my opinion is not very suitable for myself because I have been steering away from long-sleeve tees. Secondly everything else is comparable to those you see in Bugis Street and all, price and product-wise. No point coming all the way here to buy stuffs that you can buy back in Sg right? Haha. Third, we were running out of money. Haha. How lame is that! Spent too much eating already...yup, I put on at least 2 kgs by the 2nd last day of the trip. Horrifying.
Food is the only thing worth buying because everything tastes so nice and so cheap!! Haha.
And it's very shiok when the temperatures are so low and you have something hot and piping. Haha. Cannot resist no matter what. :)
I have lots of pics but then I don't know where to upload it (Flickr's full!!) and I don't really like Blogger's photo uploads. Haha. So sad. I will post it soon, together with my Korea's stuffs. I so badly wanna do a photo-log but I'm so badly lazy as well. Oh my.
I have a long cumbersome list of things I wanna do.
Pack my study, throw away all my notes. (Finally!! Muahaha!)
Pack my bags/clothes, identify those I dun wanna wear, and pack it away.
Do my auctions, photos which, after taken, is no where to be found. Hopeless.
Read my novels, which I kiasuly bought during book sales but never found the time to read.
And finally but most importantly, get a job!
I hope by then it won't be like, March or something. Haha.
I desperately need a haircut, a tan and new specs.
I need to take some nice pictures of myself. Zi-lian pictures doesn't count.
I need to go shopping for clothes. But I need to clear some space in my cupboard first. i only have a tiny cupboard! They cannot hold anymore clothes!! Geez. That's why I have no mood to shop for clothes these days. Haiiiz.
Oh yes, I'm still busy killing bosses in FFXII. Haha. That's the only exciting thing in my life.
And I think I need to organise a meet with the girls soon. If not we will only next meet up when someone's getting married or something. Haha. :) So Ostrich ah, please let me know when in January you can make it okie? A weekend will be fine.
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 2:08 PM
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Finally Home Sweet Home. :) Labels: rants
My Taiwan trip was great! Went round the whole of Taiwan one round...from Taipei all the way to Kaoshiung and back to Taipei again.
Experienced my 1st earthquake also. Actually didn't really realised it because I was travelling on the bus and it was driving quite fast. But the bus seemed unusually shaky and unstable so for a while I was thinking that we were going to topple over.
But I still never realised anything was wrong till a special someone called me and asked if I'm okay.
Awfully touched!! :)
Luckily phone lines were working still (it only spoiled the next day, don't know why also) so I could answer the call. Anyway the next day all forms of communication died thanks to the earthquake.
Felt tremours during that night too. However Taipei is quite far from the epicentre so it is quite safe to stay in the building. By right all buildings are supposed to be earthquake-proof ma.
What I loved about the trip: Hotel stays!! From 3 stars all the way to 5 stars. Hee.
What I hated about the trip: Long bus rides. -_-
Somehow as I was there I wondered if there would be an earthquake. In the end it did happened. The chances are like, a thousand to one (so said in the hotel guidebook)? Guess we were lucky as we were just there like 2 days before. If we departed later (just before x'mas) we would be closer to the epicentre already...I cannot imagine how it would have felt like.
Anyway, gotten good news when I landed this morning!! Haha. Very happy and very pleased.
The air stewardesses were very chio on my flight to and fro. I like! Haha. Sounds very pervertish. lol.
Bad part of the airline...unearthly hours!! Woke up at 4am so that I could rush in time for my 7.40am flight. When we reached the airport everything was not opened yet lo!! How sad.
Will be spending some quality time with that special someone this weekend. It's been a long long time since we last met. Heh.
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 12:05 AM
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Today my favourite person told me he's leaving. Bleah. I am sad. :( Labels: rants
On the bright side, my more favourite person haven't left. Ha ha ha.
He is what I called, the "小帅哥"!!!
Baby face with double eyelids. I like!!
I seemed to be drawn to guys with double eyelids. Don't know why. Even little babies with double eylids excite me. Heehee.
And I just received an email that stated that I won something from Innovationation!! Haha. :) Some kind of Genographic starter kit by National Geographic and IBM. Don't really know what it is about except that it's about finding your roots and ancestry or something. Hm...on the website it states that it involves taking some cheek swab to analyse your DNA...sounds interesting! Actually all these reminds me of that Life Sciences module I took way back in year 1...stuffs about homosapiens and all that.
Anyway I did chanced upon a documentary on CNA about homosapiens before! And just at that point there was this lady giving birth to her young. In those days there was just the wilderness and more wilderness...so how did she give birth? Not lying on a comfy bed (it's just wilderness!) and not lying on the sandy ground. She was grabbing on a branch from a tree with both hands(like how we grab a monkey bar) and she just pushed the baby out like that.
And when the baby is halfway out she will stop grabbing the branch and bend down pull him out.
So gross!!! I cannot imagine giving birth this way in the past. Must have hurt lots. But the woman is damn powerful la!! DIY give birth okay...unlike now, we have midwives, someone to cut the umbilical cord, doctors to monitor everything from your heartbeat to blood pressure.***
I watched Eragon already, by the way. Must say it was better than I thought. Reviews say it's a mixture of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, and I have to agree. Haha.
I think it's quite worth to watch the movie, if you are a fantasy fan. Watching it reminds me of playing with Final Fantasy. Haha. And anyway, the male lead looks like Prince William!! And the girl (she appears a while at the beginning and more later in the show) is so chio. Haha. I think the eyecandy is more than enough incentive to watch. Haha.
I still got a few movies to catch though...Open Season, The Holiday and A Night at the Museum.
At the rate I am going I think I only have time for one because the rest is going to run out already. Haha.
I'm feeling bored. Lol. Can't wait to go Taiwan though. Wanna eat the XXL Crispy Chicken and all those yummy stuffs. :)
And shop until I shiok shiok shiok!!!
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 5:35 PM
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I just sneezed onto my mobile while typing an SMS. Not the 1st time already eh...luckily the damage ain't great. But still, irritated by the fact that I couldn't control myself in time. Labels: rants, relationships
Spent the weekend lazing about, borrowing 8 library books (they are giving away free air tix for every 8 books borrowed! Bo liao, I know.), fighting cactuses and wolves and hyenas on FFXII. Surviving on coconut bread and curry puffs while I'm at it too. Haha. This is bliss man.
I wish every weekend could be like that.
Minus the little irritations and insecurities and unpleasant feelings, though.
Can't wait to get my own pad, my own PS2 (or PS3 though I cannot afford it at the moment), my own PC complete with HD TV link so that I can record all my favourite shows plus my good old trusty Starhub Cable Ch. 55. Hahaha.
I think if I have all these, I no need to seek the world already. Will be very happy to stay indoors all day long and all night long and all week long. Haha.
Alas! Life always present itself in its most unpredictable manners. And these few weeks I have been presented with an unpredictable situation which I thought would never occur in a million years.
It requires me to reverse all my changes in mindset, my feelings and the works. Reverse I couldn't, but I have adopted a brand new feeling: Insecurity.
Like I haven't already got my hands full with all kinds of funny things happening these days. -_-
I can't deal with insecurity, because although I know what's the root cause but I do not, in anyway, think of how the root cause can do anything about it.
It's weird, because I realised I never once felt insecure before, and even with that whole calamity of events tumbling down at me I still felt like I am in control. I knew what I was dealing with, and I just dealt with it my way. And it worked fine.
I realised that I'm feeling less motivated these days, and it's not a good thing, should things happen the way it looks like it's going now. Gee. I am tired of being nice, being good, being considerate, being quiet, being politically correct, being diplomatic and being not me.
I also realised that I have zero maternal instincts, because the moment I am presented with a baby to carry I just freak out. Haha. I don't know how to handle a squirming and struggling 10 month old who stares at me like an alien and cry immediately when I touch him and onlookers saying that I scare him. :(
Actually, it feels like an initiation rite. I feel bad for scaring the baby too. :(
There goes my idea of getting a baby of my own in the near future. Haha.
But I do get excited looking at other people's kids. Haha. Like their features. I'm excited to see dimples on babies and double eyelids. I don't know why. lol. I am weird.
I think the only reason why I want to have my own baby is because I want to see whether she will inherit my double eyelids or not. I am quite proud of my double eyelids actually. And my lips. Heehee.
Though it is not thick like Angelina Jolie's, but I like it because it's quite nicely shaped.
I am being bo liao again.
Anyway. Gotta pack up!! Flying off this Thursday and there's not a single item in the lugguage yet. Haha.
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 1:43 PM
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Realised that I haven't been blogging much lately...but I doubt anyone cares for that matter. Don't have interesting stuffs to share also... Labels: rants
I have been sick for like, 1 week plus? It's suddenly getting to me because i'm so frustrated with my stupid throat. Grrrr. Tons of phlegm waiting to be expelled but I just can't cough it out. And then it just makes me feel all whiny (I sound like that when I talk) and so I just decided to stop talking.
Anyways, I popped down to JB again, cheapo me, because I had nothing to do also. Haha. Pretty cool!! The immigration system is a bit different now, you just have to scan your passports and then your fingerprint and then off you go!! It's very fast, compared to standing in the queue like in the past. I cleared immigration in a matter of minutes. Heh.
I also caught one of my wanna-watch movies, Happy Feet!! The penguins are so cute...and the story is so sweet. It's supposed to have some kind of theme about conservation of the environment, though quite subtle. Anyway I wanted to watch it because of the penguin, and I got my wish. I'm happy. Haha.
So now I just want to watch Open Season and The Holiday. Then I am done for the year. haha.
But tonight, I will be watching Eragon first. I totally have no idea what is it like, because from the trailers it looked like Lord of the Rings lor. And frankly I thought LOTR was quite boring at times. Haha. But read from the papers that it's a novel written by a 16-year-old (now 23) which was on the best-selling list for like, a year plus. So my guess is that it's gonna be an epic.
One more exciting event in my life...I am going Taiwan!!! So happy...spending christmas in Taiwan whereby it will be cold and nice!! Although singapore is pretty cold these days also. Heh.
After I come back, THEN I will look for jobs. Hee.
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 1:08 PM
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Wah. My last post was way back in November. Now is December liao!! And what does that mean?? Labels: rants
My exams are over. Yayyy. :)
Although I only suffered like, 2 weeks (at most) for my exams. Heh. Thanks to the Prez for taking time off to accompany me and teach me!! So I suffered even lesser because of that. Heh.
Okie so what's next?
Right after my exams ended, I went cruise. Which ended up in my not drinking enough water + super strong wasabi courtesy of Sakae Sushi (the one at the Airport!!) , I was sick yesterday, and Monday.
Like so shitty!!!
Luckily today is okay, if not I won't be able to go out later already.
Anyway I went Sitex when I came back, boy, SO MANY people. I wanted to buy either Creative Zen Vision, or the PDA (the HP one I've been craving for!!). But on second thoughts, I may not have any use for the both of them, hence I ended up not buying either. -_-
My only buy was a notebook card for my lappie, since the USB wireless went off already.
Couldn't believe my eyes when we were in the vicinity of Expo. So many people!!! Luckily we were smart, we parked somewhere near Tanah Merah MRT station and then took a bus down to Expo. So we saved on both Carpark and Petrol and time!! The car queue was soooo long that I bet we will get stucked for at least 30 mins before finally entering that carpark and then waste somemore petrol looking for that elusive lot.
I have learnt that if one wants to go Expo during these kind of high-profile events (there was John Little Sale and Big Boyz Toyz exhibit as well!!), there is no point relying on MRT because the trains are jam-packed (I tried that for the PC show! Got squashed!), there's no point driving because the carpark's gonna kill you, so a combination will be car + bus!! Because only 3 buses serve Expo, so the buses are not crowded. Haha. They come from the residential estates nearby, so how many people from the same estate will go Expo right? Haha.
Not to mention free parking on Sundays. :)
Okay. I shall stop gloating. Haha. Now I'm just feeling like, real lazy. Maybe because of my horrid illness (I still don't know what it is!) and also because I'm plain lazy. I am gonna pack up all my stuffs a bit, and throw then all away!! Then decide on what I want to do. Frankly I'm quite lost, I even considered being a receptionist or something...somewhere to while my time away. Heh.
Quite duh right, considering that I slogged so hard for a paper and then all I wanna do is just sit at a desk and answer phone calls all day. Haha.
I want to watch movie!! Suprisingly all the movies I wanted to watch are cartoons. Like Open Season and Happy Feet!! And then I want to watch The Holiday. But I need time and more importantly, $$$$$. Haha.
Oh ya!! My student got his results. I'm so happy because he managed to get all As, which is a great improvement from his previous. Heh. :)
Actually I wanted to put up pics, but I'm too lazy. Haha. And I have been wondering whether to format my computer or not. Haiz. It's like so weak. But yet I don't want to format because I don't want to lose my MSN smileys. It's a stupid excuse but...that's just it is. Haha.
We'll see how things go then!!
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 11:39 AM
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Sometimes I wonder why people become cynical over the years. And I realise it's because life's experiences that shape your thinking. I believe everyone started out innocent, naive, full of hope, and all things are rosy, you know, just being plain positive over everything. Labels: rants, relationships
Once, I was like that too. I was positive almost on everything (except when it comes to academic matters...ha ha), and I often believe in the best of people, that everyone is nice, and no one is purposely being not-nice. Haha.
Even when it comes to love life, I just wondered one day who would be that knight in shining armour coming to sweep me off my feet and then we will get married and live happily ever after.
Of course, I am so absolutely wrong. There's no knight in any kind of armour, and there's no such thing as sweeping me off my two little feet (last I checked, was still rooted to the ground). The only thing that's quite true (or come close to) is that people will get married. Not even that live happily ever after part. Ha ha
That looks kind of bleak isn't it? But that's the way life is I guess. Just like how people say that love can conquer everything, but it doesn't mean literally everything you know. There's why there are songs like "Sometimes, Love Just Ain't Enough". This kind of songs are written precisely because they hit the nail on the head!
I guess it has come to a point that I don't really know what to believe anymore. So much that I doubt everything I come across, or hear, especially when it comes from guys. Heh. I admit that I am a bit sexist here, but then again, I really don't know whether to trust or not, so I trust my own instincts. And since my own instincts causes me to doubt people, so I just go ahead and follow my own instincts then!
It's like once upon a time you believed in love, you believed that love conquers all, yada yada, all that bullshit stuffs, but then one fine day something comes along and proves you totally wrong, so you decided that from now onwards there's no need to revert back to believing in it, because obviously it's gonna be wrong, so why for waste anymore time? Which is why today the bestie told me about some stuffs, like how because you love someone, you accept everything in his life, from himself to his family, to his friends.
Hmm...I don't know whether I have such a big heart. But I know I am practical. So if anything comes along which I don't like it, I will voice it out. I am direct in this case. I will want my partner to do something about it. If he doesn't, I will just feel uncomfortable with it. I may even nag at him. This kind of girls, guys don't like. That's because guys have got their own egos to feed. They don't like it that they have to listen to their girls. Which is fine by me, if he knows what to do and when to draw the line. But if he doesn't I would feel a need to butt in. I cannot stand just watching from the sidelines and not doing anything. I am the kind that need to kaypoh my way through. This is the flaw in my character.
Of course you would expect that being in a relationship, it's best to maintain an open policy. However sometimes we just feel that it is necessary to tell a little white lie so that the other party will not feel so ill at ease. So what? When the white lie is finally made in the open and the other party learns about it, he/she will still feel ill at ease. This time it will be worse, because it also constitutes a mis-trust on each other's part. So how are you going to clear up the mess?
Heard of some case whereby the boy proposed to the girl, and the girl accepted. But after the whole proposal thing, boy realises that girl has a wild side and that even when they were together, the girl often stayed over at other guys' places. Boy feels so uncomfortable and so unable to accept it, girl feels that it's already in the past and she didn't wanted to tell him because she's scared he would worry. So how? Are they going to get married? Or not? When you start a marriage with a bundle of untold truths, it is going to be a long road to be happily and blissfully married.
Alright, so what's with the cynicism? I just feel that I can no longer trust as much as I did in the past. I am feeling kinda surprised by myself, because in the past I was this kind of person who believed in love and all that stuffs. Now, my certain reactions to certain events/scenarios have led me to feel like I don't believe in love (that much), and I don't believe that love can conquer all. And I think when it comes down to me, practicality and being level-headed are the qualities that will actually put me off from believing in love anymore.
You know, once bitten twice shy? For me I might have just sworn off this whole stuff about love. :)
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 1:09 AM
I think I am blogging like less and less. Haha. But it's not because I'm depressed or what la...it's because I have been busy! Quiz, lessons and then the impending exams seems to be all crashing on me at once. Gee. So the lack of updates in my puny blog. Heh.
Anyway! Things have been great! Went to explore around...and the other day we went past the very famous 2 Ridley Park. Haha. I think we could go crazy counting how many [sports] cars were parked just outside the house. Heard that the owner has an underground carpark for even more cars. Hahaha. Anyway, happened to see a WRX and a Porsche coming out of the house, as well as Dr. Tommy Wee himself. Heehee. They have CCTVs around the house lo...I think they know that we were lurking there. Haha.
Met up with the gang again, with the intention to pub...but in the end our numbers were so big that no place wanted us...bleah. But nevermind, it's just great to meet up and chit-chat again lo. :) So it was another go-home-at-2.30am session. Next time then we shall pub successfully, I hope. Heh.
Hmm...I can't remember anymore stuffs. My PC chui-ed again, which is super ridiculous. I really don't know why the computer so weak leh. Wah biang. So it's back to my trusty lappie once again.
I feel like getting a new lappie though!! Haha.
And recently I have been watching One Litre of Tears. Oh my god it's so touching until I cannot tahan. So I have been bawling my eyes out over the show. The girl is so chio lo, and the guy looks like Jerry Yen (one of the F4). And there's a super cute puppy and a super cute little girl. How could I not watch? :)
This drama is based on a real girl, who lived between 1962-1988 lo. How she got diagnosed at 15 with a spinocerebellar disease that slowly causes her to lose control of her body, and how she managed to live her life and touched the others around her.
Haven't finished watching the show, because it makes me sad too much. But her family's love is so touching...which makes me conclude that family love is always unconditional...no matter what happens, your family still loves you.
Labels: rants
With regards to this post, I found that a lot of people have the same idealistic point of view as me. Why am I not surprised? Haha. Labels: Quiz/Personality, rants, tickle tests
I guess there are lots of people out there who has loved and lost, and hence they learn to treasure a relationship more. Or maybe we are all just idealistic hopeless-romantic freaks. :p
I am supposed to type the things I am happy about!!! But first, let me rant about not-so-happy stuffs....
TODAY IS THE DAY I MISS ALL MY BUSES AND TRAINS.
I very sian ok...because I waited like 10 mins for my bus to take me to the train station, whereby I missed it by just 1 minute and I had to wait 8 minutes for the next. Then I had to go JE to switch the trains...the train just left and so I had to wait for another, and then so I missed the shuttle bus.
I guess we all have those kind of days whereby the public transport seems to be going against you huh.
BUT!!! Nevermind.
I must talk about 5 happy things today. Let me try:
I am happy because I met up with the bestie today!!! :)
I am happy because I went Vivocity for the first time today!!! The bestie told me it is her 3rd time already. -_- I very suaku right. Hmph~!
I am happy because I sorted up some stuffs which has been baffling me for quite some time. :)
I am happy because I managed to get my printer printing again. The printer and my PC was ignoring each other yesterday...jeez.
I am happy because I can finally access my gmail and get the resume which I have been waiting for. :)
So! Time to update my resume, time to start my job search!!!
*excited*
Every morning I see my 宝贝 waiting for me by my pillow. I feel blissful. Heehee.
Stunningly Gorgeous Y 1:22 AM
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Think of the good times, forget the bad, learn to move on, forgive and forget.
What a perfect way to summarise it all.
But it is easier said than done, so never cease to try, ya?
Labels: rants
